Less likely to f up when people are watching.

So I'm completely new at this stuff, but I've been reading so many pro ana blogs this past month, and sadly a lot of them have been abandoned. I kinda like writing, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I mean, I should be less likely to screw up when I have to admit it to people, right?

I'm going to have a total no secrets policy when it comes to progress anyway - I gain - I tell. I binge- you'll know.

It's crazy, I've been trying to diet for about 6 years now, and every single one left me with a feeble 2kg (4.4lbs) loss, which I put straight back on again. Why the hell should losing weight be so hard when the single thing I want most in life is to actually be skinny for once, not normal or average, but skinny. Everyone in the world looks better thin, and I'm one of them. I used to be tiny up to the age of 13 when it all went wrong. Now I'm 20 and I'm still unhappy. I am honestly ashamed that I've tried to convince myself that I'm not fat and ugly and gross. Although, I have lost 10kg (22lbs) in one and a half month now...and I have the pro ana lifestyle to thank. It's the only thing that's worked. I count calories like a hawk and am constantly thinking about food, not generally about wanting to eat it, but about what I can't eat, what I can eat, and in general - what I won't eat.

Petty 'healthy' diets never did anything for me, extremes are the way forward. And who wants to spend an entire year on a full diet to lose weight. I want it done quick and fast - cause I'm sick of being like this.

I generally eat under 500 calories a day, and it's amazing how much you can eat really. If I'm having a proper dinner I eat a weight watchers microwave ready meal, and usually don't bother finishing it. My weakness is diet coke and the likes, which stops the cravings and fills my stomach - so all in all, it's not a bad craving.

What I ate today:
- 2 Low fat rice cakes (56)
- 150g of blackberries (56)
- Marks & Spencer low cal/low fat fish pie (260)
- 2 small carrots (15)
TOTAL: 387 calories (and I feel good)

Really want to get hold of the book Wasted - I've heard it's brilliant and triggering. Now that I've lost 10kg, I need motivation to actually KEEP GOING. I'm not at my goal yet, but my mind really seems to be slipping, I was actually considering buying a Krispy Kreme earlier, and we all know that would end in tears.

Catch y'all later, bitches.

xoxo

THINSPO